Sleepover in Africa

Who travels to Africa for a mere two nights?

Ty and I left on Sunday, July 21.  We arrived in Addis Ababa on Tuesday, July 22.  After 30+ hours of travel time, I changed clothes on the airplane, put on make up (for pictures of course), and made our way through the couple-hour process of customs in Ethiopia.  We met our driver and promptly asked, "Can you take us to the Thomas Center NOW?"

Visiting hours at our son's orphanage are 10 - noon and it was about 10:30 when we arrived.  We were ushered into a small, cluttered office and after many formalities, moved into a classroom (of sorts).  And we waited.

Little Keraji arrived in the arms of a nanny.  He seemed hesitant in her arms, but even more hesitant to meet new people.  He is 17 months and until the previous Saturday, had been in the same orphanage his entire life.  Everyone at the Thomas Center was new to him, including this white, blonde woman who was chomping at the bit to hold him.

I took him from the nanny.  Literally, took him.  Neither of them were very excited, but I couldn't help it.  I'll be honest; he didn't care much for me or Ty.  It took about 30 minutes for him to warm up to us. Oooooh, but once he did...!

He seems to be such a happy boy!  He easily laughs.  He loves to bang toys together and throw them.  Can you say BOY?  Though not walking, he crawls with speed and efficiency.  He babbles with gusto and says, "Daddeeeee" all the time.  And he is handsome.  So stinkin' handsome!  His eyelashes are to die for and his smile will melt your heart.

His name will be Jace William Keraji Robuck.  "Jace" has been my favorite name of all time, and is that of my childhood best friend's - my cousin.  William is my dad and Ty's brother's name.  Keraji is his Ethiopian name. And Robuck is his forever family name.

The second day we visited Jace, we traveled with him and his nanny to the lab for blood work.  Though it was unexpected, we made the most of our time in the van holding him and in the lab caring for him.  

We didn't expect to be able to visit on Thursday because our court hearing was that day.  The hearing ended a bit early (we passed!) and we were able to squeeze in about ten final minutes with our boy.  He was all smiles, and it was hard to say good bye.  We left pictures of us and Lainey above his crib and promised to be back soon.

Which we will!  On average, it's been taking 3 - 4 weeks for families to receive an embassy appointment.  That means travel time is between 2.5 and 3.5 weeks!  

We flew out at 10:30 on Thursday night and arrived home Friday night at 9:00.  Lainey was giddy with excitement to see us.

It's Not About Me. Or Could It Be?

Or, there is the very likely chance that I have no flippin' idea what it's about.

It's been a heart-breaking few days around our house, a confusing few days, and underneath it all, defying any logic or sense, a peaceful few days.

I've been working through a study called Believing God by Beth Moore.  (Side note: I'm not a B.M. groupie.)  As a proud self-preservationist, God has quite a job working in my heart.  My instinct is to protect myself at all costs.  I'm a pessimist and I try to never, ever get my hopes up by believing in something that isn't a sure thing.

I've learned that God calls me to be the opposite.  Huh.  The opposite of my human nature.  Go figure.

I began the study thinking it would help me have faith that God will bring Lainey home.  Only a few weeks into the study I am learning there are so many miracles for God to do and most of them have to do with me, not Lainey.

So it is about me.  It's about my heart.

I was journaling, wondering if bringing Lainey home is really a miracle.  Something that could only happen through supernatural, divine intervention, and decided, no.  Lainey can come to our home through the actions and decisions of man.  Orphans are brought into homes all the time without specific prayer for them.

Then it hit me that perhaps the miracle - the event that could only happen through supernatural, divine intervention - is the renewing of my heart. A potter molding clay into something the clay has no intention of being.  No desire to be.

Yep.  That's what hit me.  Or rather, slowly ran over me and I'm finally catching on.  So, a little over a week ago I just decided I was going to be the faithful person who believes God is who He says He is and God can do what He says He can do.  I realize that makes it sound like it was a flippant decision.  I "just decided." In truth, I really didn't feel like I had any other option.  That was God working in me.

To put that faith into action, I began believing that God's plan for Lainey is smarter than my plan to have her here yesterday.  "Anything not of The Lord is the lesser," according to my Bible study.

Our case had been submitted to Embassy and we received confirmation that they were attempting to track down the police officer in charge of her abandonment. With my renewed faith, I set aside my instinct to protect myself and begin hoping and believing that God would bring her home soon. I wanted to prove to God that I do believe Him.  I started expecting an email telling us it was time to board that plane and pick Lainey up. I began opening up to people easier, sharing my hope.  I even started to lay out clothes to pack for L.

I got an email, all right.  The first words were We regret to inform you...  Turns out the Embassy was not able to locate the officer, so our file is being sent to the U.S. Citizenship & Immigration Services (USCIS) in Nairobi, Kenya, for further review.

Heartbreak.

And yet I feel like God is saying, "Am I still worth believing in?  Do you still trust me?"

And I have to respond Yes, Lord.  Not only because it's the only hope I have to hang onto, but because maybe this is all my doing. Maybe I've been holding up this process.  There is so much work to be done in my heart that only God can do.  I've known this for so, so long and have been resisting.  Oh sure I've gone through the Christian motions, but I've not let Him really mess with this chunk of clay.  I've wanted the control.  I've been more confident in my ability to protect myself.

And for real, when Lainey is safely home in my arms, my heart will be so filled with her, it probably won't be so conducive to all the work God needs to do in me first.  Right?  Aren't I always less receptive to God's movement when things are going well?

I really don't blame God if he allowed the officer to go wherever he went to see if I really believe Him.  Really trust him.  One re-commitment on my part, conveniently right before we could get potential good news, isn't so convincing.

So, I choose to believe God's promise that He will not give me more than I can handle.  And I choose to believe He knows more than I do.  And, miraculously, believing brings me relief and peace.

I don't know what happens with L's file in Nairobi.  I hope they will email in a couple weeks and say we are approved to pick her up. I believe that can happen and I am allowing myself to hope.  But, if that's not in God's will, we may not see our daughter for months.

In the meantime, I will continue to let God shape me. I will believe that someday, even if it isn't until I'm in Heaven, I will understand that there is indeed a reason better than I can currently comprehend for this delay.

11 Months Old

Lainey turned 11 months on February 22, the day after we received word our file was submitted to the U.S. Embassy.  We have yet to receive confirmation from the Embassy, and to be honest, I'm not holding my breath for word right away.  I know a family who did not hear anything for five weeks, only to find out their file had "insufficient evidence" of their child's orphan status.

That being said, I am doing well.   I am grateful for my husband who makes me laugh every day, a home I love and friends who just get me. (You know who you are.)

And I'm super grateful for our daughter.  I feel lucky to be her mama and I know that God is in control of our situation and protecting her until I can.

And I am so glad for the following pictures.  These were sent to me from one of our agency employees who spent time at the Thomas Center and other orphanages in Ethiopia.  Our little baby is growing!

With the pictures, we received this brief assessment of Lainey.  I can't wait to have my hands full with that "demanding and vocal" personality!

Martha Birthdate: 22/3/2011
This little girl appears rather petite but she is mighty. The nannies call her "Marti.”  Her fuzzy fine hair was put in cute little pigtails when I was there and she initially sits back and just watches, taking in her environment. She has a darling chubby belly and can balance on her tiny little legs, standing with help on furniture or leaning on someone’s legs. She gets around beautifully by crawling and is able to sit up. Although slow to smile, she indicates her wants quite clearly and can keep the nannies (and a guest like me) occupied as we took turns holding her and keeping her entertained. A bit demanding and vocal, she is then very content and happy to stay in your arms and take in the rest of her environment. As she was falling asleep she seemed to be soothed when we rubbed/patted her tummy and back.

Showers of Blessings (and Gifts!)

My sweet friends Jodi Durr and Kim Hoeschen hosted a baby shower for me at our house a couple weeks ago.  As we were pouring mimosas for ourselves,  my mom whispered, "I didn't even do this much for your wedding."

"That's 'cause we got married in Hawaii, Mom."

"No.  I still wouldn't have done this much."

That's my mom.  And that's this shower.  I've never been to a more glamorous, perfectly-suited, thoughtful baby shower.  Ever.  And even better that is was for LAINEY!

Thank you to all who attended, and to Jodi and Kim for your countless hours of planning, crafting, and making it JUST PERFECT for me. 

Here are some pictures of the special day.

Pretty decor.  All the pinwheels are going in Lainey's room.

Other than skipping the hemorrhoids of pregnancy?  Drinking champagne drinks at my own baby shower!

Key Lime cupcakes.  Oh my.

Marsha holding Lia, Heather & Ashley.

Marilyn & Lissa.

Mary, Lisa & Mary-Alice.

Jenn and Elizabeth.  (Elizabeth neatly folded all the tissue paper from the gifts!)

My mom, Eryn & Bren.  Love these ladies!

My mom came for the weekend.  Had so much fun together!

Steph, Mellissa & Sara

Mesha, Tami

This was awesome.  Random trivia questions to take the awkward attention away from me when opening gifts!

Hostesses, Kim & Jodi.  Beauties.

Epic Fail.

 

I can have a post title, Epic Fail, because I teach middle school.  This career choice also gives me the right to name my posts That's Where It's At, Beast-mode, The Boss, or Legit.  (I dare anyone else to try it.)

My recent failure is epic. The following conversation sums it up, if you don't want to read the dirty details that follow.  I was having dinner with a groups of gals, including someone I don't know very well.  We were talking about Lainey and the adoption process and her comment was, "Well, what you are doing is a great thing."  Her intentions were to encourage me, but really, that comment usually ticks me off.  People who say it don't understand it's not that I'm an amazing person trying to save Africa; they don't get it - how badly I want a child. My response was quick and sharp.  "Oh it's not about doing a great thing.  It's about me."

It's about me.  When I make it about me, there is no room for Jesus.


And here are the details of my failure -

On the adoption front, the process is slowing down. (Click The Breaking Point? for details.) Lainey's file, which we were hoping would be submitted to Embassy over a month ago, had a few minor date errors and paperwork delays, has not even been submitted to Embassy yet.  Since our government Embassy in Ethiopia only accepts file submits on Tuesdays, my weeks have gone something like this:

• Wednesday - check in with our agency rep to find out if there has been any progress updating/correcting/researching paperwork in Lainey's file to make it ready for submit

•  Thursday -check my email multiple times per hour hoping to hear the file is completely in order and ready to submit the next Tuesday

• Friday - check my email a few times in the morning, knowing the U.S. Embassy closes early on Fridays so anything I don't hear, I won't hear before the weekend.

•  Saturday / Sunday - cope. Avoid people because it hurts to answer the same questions over and over again.

• Monday - same as Thursday, except with more urgency because the day to submit is tomorrow.

•  Tuesday - listen for the "ding" of my email all through the night and check my email when I hear it.  Turns out that Restoration Hardware and Pottery Barn send their marketing emails in the middle of the night.  When morning comes, I go to work and get through the day until I can just be at home where no one expects anything from me.

That's the self-pitying failure.  I've made this all about me.

Even though I began (and since stopped) a Bible Study - Believing God - that is centered on trusting Him.  Even though each morning Ty reads to me from Jesus Calling and each morning, the devotional speaks exactly to the hurt we feel.  Read on:

From today's devotional: "...The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone weary.  Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for me to take charge of your life....I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different...remain attentive to Me...This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not...you are in the path of my choosing, so do not give up..."

Or, from yesterday: "I am teaching you a difficult lesson, learned only by hardship. Lift up empty hands of Faith to receive my precious presence...Life, light, joy & peace."

February 4: "Do not wear yourself out with analyzing and planning." 

January 26: "Give up the illusion that you deserve a problem-free life...Link your hope not to problem solving in this life but to....Heaven."

It just keeps going back.  January 23: "I will never leave or forsake you."

January 22: " Strive to trust Me...instead of running away from [things that make you anxious] embrace them, eager to gain all the blessings I have hidden in the difficulties."

January 17: "This is the day that I have made.  I want you to rejoice today, refusing to worry about tomorrow.  Search for all that I have prepared for you, anticipating abundant blessing and accepting difficulties as they come.  I can weave miracles into the most mundane day if you keep your focus on Me.  ..Come to Me with all your needs, knowing that my glorious riches are tore than adequate supply...live above your circumstances even while you are in the midst of them."

January 15: "When you start to sink, ...I will life you up."

And this! January 13: "Instead of staring at the day that is ahead of you, attempting to program it according to your will, be attentive to me and to all I have prepared for you...No matter how steep or treacherous the path before you, the safest place to be is by my side."

Or, from way back on January 12: "I will not show you what is on the road ahead, but I will thoroughly equip you for the journey..."

Not done yet.  January 9: "When you decide on a course of action that is in line wiht My will, nothing on heaven or earth can stop you. ...never give up.Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their time has come."


Seriously, I could keep on going back until the first day of 2012 when we began reading this tricky-little-God-speaking-directly-to-me devotional.  And yet, I still am in the midst of failure.

(BTW, Bible verses are referenced that confirm the promises written in the devotional.)

Some days, it is so hard to feel hope.  I am angry, bitter, impatient, cynical, grumpy, selfish, short-tempered, depressed, anxious and every other non-Christ-like trait out there.  Some days, it takes all my will power to face another day.  I sometimes think of our case as just a file, and I wonder what turn I missed in life that would've allowed me to avoid all this pain.  I forget that our case is not a case at all.  She's a child!  She is our daughter who is alive and breathing and growing and so stinkin' beautiful.  And when I remember those things and I'm filled with more pain and guilt.  It's just so hard.

And some days, on the better days, I know others are praying for me.  I know that because I feel a peace and reassurance beyond logic.  The calm I wake up to on some days is supernatural - it can only come from God.  And since I know it's not because of my prayers - because mine are nonexistent or  tears without words - I know it has to be the prayers of others.  My parents, who pray for me every day.  Friends and acquaintances.  My husband. But not me.  Because there are just times I can't.

Oh my.  I might actually publish this pity party post.

Thank you, friends, for lifting me up when I can't lift myself up.  Thank you, family, for loving me in spite of myself.  And thank you, Jesus, for forgiving me in my failure.

The Breaking Point?

Frustration doesn't even describe how I am feeling right now.  Frustration with our own country's government.  We are Lainey's legal parents.  Ethiopian officials and our adoption agency researched, double and triple checked, and declared Marta an orphan.  We have her birth certificate and passport from Ethiopia, declaring her legal name "Marta Tyrone Robuck." If we lived in Ethiopia, we would be a family of three.

But our government, in it's supremacy, is not convinced Ethiopia has done enough. Or, they don't care.  Perhaps, according to officials, Ethiopia is just handing out or selling babies.  So, Lainey's file, among countless others, are going through the ringer right now.  Extra scrutiny.  Unattainable expectations.  Ridiculous timelines.

Regarding Lainey's file specifically, there have been trivialities that have added weeks, possibly months onto our timeline.  The details are boring to anyone other than us, but they are comparable to crossing t's and dotting i's.  (And I really dislike cliches.)

That said, below is an email I sent out to friends with links that explain a little of what we may be up against.  In addition to those links, here are a couple more:

http://www.christianpost.com/news/intl-adoptions-part-1-missionary-waiting-4-years-to-bring-home-adopted-son-68146/

http://www.christianpost.com/news/intl-adoptions-part-2-adoptive-parents-face-difficulty-with-us-embassy-in-ethiopia-68842/

Hi there,

I'm just sending this to a few people because you've shown interest in what is happening with Lainey's file in the US Embassy in Ethiopia. Feel free to forward this on to anyone who might be interested.  Ty tells me often I have a narrow view of other people's concern for us.  But really, I just don't want to take up the valuable time of anyone with my life problems! :) 

Because I'm a bit overwhelmed and caught up in every little detail of Lainey's file, I struggle to explain the big picture to people who ask.  I recently found a few sites that comprehensively, and much more clearly that I can, explain what is going on at the US Embassy in Ethiopia.  

It took me a bit of time to read through them, including the comments, so tackle them only if you want and only if you have time.  It won't hurt my feelings if you don't. :) 

A couple caveats - To different degrees, there is a tone of disgust on these sites with the US government.  And both are written by Christians, so they include references to their faith and Bible verses.   And, PSD friends, I'm sending this from my home email (so I don't abuse district email privileges). :)

http://thecarrollstory.blogspot.com/

This was so well written and easy to understand.  It even helped clear some things up for me.  If you read it, don't skip over the footnotes.  The comments are valuable, also, as they provide both sides of a heated issue.

http://adoptionscoop.blogspot.com/

This one is a bit more emotional, but also telling about the situation.

I'm certainly not asking you to take any action.  I'm not really asking anything, just hoping to give you an understanding what we are facing. The support you've offered means a ton; I appreciate it.  As you can imagine, we don't know what the future holds with Lainey's file. So far, for a few different reasons, it hasn't even been deemed ready to submit to Embassy.  This waiting stage has been really, really difficult. Perhaps, hopefully, her file will sail through once submitted, and only after she is home will we be forced to decide what actions we may or may not take about the big picture.

Again, thanks.

Rachel

p.s.  I'm really nervous to click "send!"

Benefit Concert

We are so blessed with friends who have come along beside us.  They've supported us emotionally and financially in our journey to adopt Lainey.  Here are pictures from Saturday, November 19, 2011, a Benefit Concert for Lainey.  David and Brenda Aston hosted a dessert auction and Cameron Pruitt sang.  What an amazing day!  We raised over $2000! It was enough to cover out airfare to Ethiopia for our court date trip.  And what an amazing trip it was!

I know there are a ton of pictures...but I just couldn't leave any out.  Can you feel the love?  We sure could!

Guest.  On the left is Suzanne Johnson, my teaching buddy at "The Ridge."  Nancy Gregory also represented HRMS, but she must've escaped the camera.

Cameron Pruitt.  Amazing singer.  Amazing friend.

OVBC has AMAZING youth.  Here are just a couple of them! Thanks, girls!

Yumm.

I spoke.  In front of people.  Yes.  That's me with the microphone.  Not Ty.  (Notice my self conscious nervous look?)

LOVE LOVE LOVE the Astons.

We could call this the "friend table." Thanks for being there!

Tammy & Ashley with little Lia.  You two have been a great support!

The guest.  Smiling at you is Elisabeth.  Such a great friend through "it all!"

One of the best parts - bringing these formula donations to Ethiopia.  They went to a remote orphanage, where Lainey spent her first 8 month.  THANKS for the donations!