Wednesday, September 29, 2010

This Beautiful Mess

I've been given a bit of grief lately for creating a blog and not keeping up to date with posts. My excuse is I haven't been inspired to write. I want my blog to exude passion and life, but the creative juices that requires haven't been flowing. I was told it doesn't matter...that other folks like to read makes them feel normal. Really? Someone else told me that blogs are just supposed to be all-about-me. I guess that I can handle. I get a lot of practice with that, I'm ashamed to admit. So, for those of you who don't want to read blah, blah, blah, I advise you to quit now. Well, maybe make a comment first, because I'm not entirely sure that anonymous comment thing is working. (At least my mom can't figure it out. Or else she just says she read my blog.)

So, This Beautiful Mess. Love that song. That's what my life is - a Beautiful random Mess. All I will say in defense is, "You asked for it."

We switched our medical insurance five years ago when we began trying to have a baby. FIVE YEARS! We switched because the carrier-that-shall-remain-unnamed covered hospital stays for delivery at 100%. Turns out they were also the only provider our district offers that covers infertility at 0%. So, now we are switching back. I feel all right about it because it is one more step toward the life we want.

I'm not a huge fan of wine. But I'm drinking a glass right now. Drinking wine while home alone on the computer or with a good book just feels better than drinking beer under those circumstances. Though, I'd rather be drinking a beer.

I definitely married up. My husband amazes me with his thoughtfulness, patience and generosity. He treats me amazingly well, but he is also just a great guy. He works hard, has integrity, and sees the best in everyone.

I'm not proud of my past. But on good days, I am proud of the person I am today because of those experiences.

I love the color pink and football.

Second to my husband, my mom is my closest friend. And my dad, though in a different way, is next. I know I am fortunate to have parents who I trust, and who love me unconditionally. I think of my mom daily, and rarely does a day go by that I don't think, "I wish Mom were here to do this with me." (Like, drink a glass of wine.)

I visualize words in my head that people say to me, though not on purpose; it just happens. And I like Ty to challenge me with words to spell backwards. But, I'm not as smart as some people think. For example, my ability to recall anything I've read or watched is extremely limited. For a good laugh, ask my husband about the movie Sahara.

I like to call myself an ideator. Just not so good on the follow-through.

Usually, I'd rather be home alone than with a crowd of people. Yet, I often feel lonely for lack of friends. It's a conundrum.

I'd also rather read a book than watch TV. Or cook dinner. Or make the bed. Or pay the bills. Or plan for work. Or wash my car. Or do the laundry. Well, that one is a toss-up. I do enjoy doing laundry.

If you're bored yet, not to worry, I am wrapping it up.

Last one - I love God. It's hard for me to share that with others; makes me feel pushy and hypocritical because I know my actions do not always always reflect God, but I truly see my life without him as bleak and without purpose.


  1. Ha! I love doing laundry too. It always makes me feel so productive!

  2. i fell asleep reading this then woke up to a pile of drool on my keyboard. had to go to the store to buy a new one so i could comment about how much i enjoyed the read.... thanks!

  3. Wow, I feel like I could have written many of these myself. Loving knowing you more and more.

    Don't feel pressure about posting to your blog. When it loses its fun, it's not worth it. When you feel up to posting, go for it. Hitting a funk or just not knowing what to write about happens.

    Just go with it. Just be you.

    It's who we love.

  4. I feel the same about posting. There's times where there's just nothing to say.

  5. Thanks, peeps!

    And Sherman, go ahead and try to post anonymously again!