So, I've spend the last hour+ reading blogs about Ethiopian adoptions. There is a lot of heart in the world, that's for sure. Couples adopting babies HIV positive, families of nine children, couples adopting older children or sibling groups, and then those like us, just growing a family, in various stages of the process. A recurring theme across all blogs was that international adoption isn't for sissies. As I read, I kept thinking, I won't feel that way or Things will go smoother for us but then I'd read a little further and someone would write those exact sentiments, only to find out they were wrong.
I am confident God has led us to adopt from Ethiopia, but reading those blogs scares me out of my wits. I have to rely on God, and I have to have faith: sure of what I hope for and certain of what I do not see.
From where I sit now, 9 - 16 months doesn't seem very long to wait for a child, but I wonder how I'll feel as the year progresses. I wonder if my heart will ache the same way as those of other women who have been waiting for months. I wonder if I will get frustrated when some government branch in Ethiopia closes for the rainy season with our paperwork sitting in a pile of hundreds of applications. I wonder if our child's birth certificate will get lost, too. I wonder if we will get held up in customs or if our child will scream the majority of the 25+ hour flight home.
To be honest, I'd rather wonder all these things than know at this point. If I learned ahead of time all the troubles to come, I may decide I don't have the heart for it. Thankfully, God will give me the strength I need. And from the sounds of it, there will be plenty of time for Him to build it in me.
In the meantime, I will cherish every day I have alone with my amazing husband. I will not take for granted our spontaneous trips to Dairy Queen at 10PM (I recommend the Oreo Brownie Earthquake Blizzard), the nights reading in bed until my eyes won't stay open one. second. longer., our tidy house and minimal laundry, watching movies the entire way through - and not animated ones, either. I want to remember these moments we have together, just the two of us, to be romantic and fun.
I know someday I'll look back with and say I had no clue. I probably don't. And that's ok.