Letter to Lainey at 4 Years Old

Dear Lainey,

I've loved you since you were 4 months old and I first set eyes on your picture, measles and all.  But at four years old, you. have. my. heart.

You've been a big sister for 8 months now, and you've adapted to the role so well.  The Lord knows, Jace has been a challenge to you! He ruins the block castles you build, takes your toys right our of your hands and pulls your hair at least once a day.  Considering the disruption he causes in your life, you sure do love him.  Not just in words, but in actions.  You've coined the name, "Jacey," and he responds with "Yainey" every time.  You attempt to help him multiple times a day: walking down stairs, learning words, and letters and games and things he completely doesn't understand.  He loves to hold your hand in the car and out and about.  Nothing warms my heart more than seeing you respond to him reaching for your hand.  You comfort him when he is in trouble, often saying things like, "It's okay, Jacey, you just need to make better choices," or "I did that when I was two, also, Jacey." Oh, what a sweet sister you are!

At 4 years old, you love to pretend and I am constantly astonished by your imagination.  I never had one, so truly, sweet girl, the places your mind takes you amaze me! Your favorite imaginative play is anything-princesses or fairies.  You also love to play dress-up, school, doctor, family, and restaurant.  (I love when you play cleaning lady service, but that doesn't happen too often...).  You are also a big fan of performing, and you seem to have a flair for drama!

You are an active little girl!  You amaze people with your physical agility, especially the way you fearlessly climb anything and everything.  You've been on a pedal bike without training wheels for over a year now, and you are learning to master a bigger size bike now! You have great balance and control over your movements and rarely do you get hurt. I am so proud of your willingness to try new things and take risks!

You started pre school this year.  Initially you were all about the play time and social time, but as the year progresses you are showing a love for learning during circle time, also.  You learn much better from Miss Erin at school than you do from me so home schooling is not in the works for us, girl. You're slowly learning your letters and you love books. Your favorite job at school is "weather girl," followed closely by "line leader."  Your teachers report you are well behaved and kind.  Every day you earn a sticker for being a good listener.  They also say you know what you like and will do it even if others try to convince you otherwise, and art is your favorite activity.  You are most often the last one finished with a painting because you know just how you want it to look.

You are very social and do not like to play alone.  Almost daily, you ask for a play date or dinner date with one of your friends.  You do not have a favorite friend and you love to make new friends, which you'll typically do anywhere we go.  You are observant of others' feelings and often note when people look sad or happy, or are being unkind.  You notice my facial expressions too, and sometimes ask, "Mama, what does that look mean?"

And you love Jesus as much as you know how!  Not too long ago we were in the car coming home from dinner and you asked me if Jesus is in everyone's hearts.  "He is in everyone's hearts who invite him in," I said.  And you asked if you could invite Jesus into your heart.  Nothing is sweeter than your voice repeating after mine, "Dear Jesus, I love you and I ask you to come into my heart.  I promise to live how you want me to live and do my best to make good choices." We called Grandma and Opa and they were thrilled!

(The next day Grammy came over and I said, "Lainey, tell Grammy what you did in the car on the way home from dinner last night," to which you responded, "I sang the entire Frozen song all by myself!")

Sweet girl, I love you so much.  Each day I am amazed by the depth you add to my heart.  I thank God for blessing us with you, for choosing you to be our daughter, and for who you are and who you are becoming.  You're the Lainey-est and I love you.

Walk the Plank at your Pirate-theme 4th Birthday Party.  Miles in the background.

You and Kaya together are so sweet!

Helping Jace up the big hill in our backyard.  You have a swingset in the backyard now!

On the beach at Fort Warden.  First camping trip of the season.

We've had a beautiful spring.  This is with Cora and Taylor at Tyler's birthday party in early May.

Fun at the park with Miles.

This was on your Adoption Day, April 13, at an Ethiopian Restaurant.  When telling Grandma about it you said, "Everyone there had brown skin and brown curly hair! But people with white skin could eat there too, even Mama and Daddy."

More water fun with Ronan, Cora and Tyler.

Letter to Lainey

Daughter of Ours,

You are asleep on Daddy's chest in our bed right now.  That's been a habit for quite some time now.  Around 6 AM, you crawl up the stairs and run in our bed to settle on one of our chests for some more shut-eye.  This morning you are sleeping a particularly long time, probably because of a late night playing and watching football with us - another habit we've formed in the past couple months.

At 2 years and exactly 8 months, you are the perfect combination of spunky and loving.  In one word - independent.  You like (demand) control over every situation and it runs this Mama ragged deciding which battles to choose.  Last week we were at the brewery with you (yes, they allow minors and it's NOT a bar) and you insisted you could go potty by yourself.  In your words, "It's private time, Mommy.  Go see Daddy."  I never thought I'd allow my 2 year old that freedom, but I stood just outside the bathroom door and you rocked it!  (What you didn't know was a friend of mine happened to be in there making sure you were okay for me.)  You refuse to hold our hand (unless crossing a street or in the parking lot because I've managed to put the fear of God in you over getting run over.) You pour your own milk, dress and undress yourself, and much much more.  "No, I can do it!"

You certainly don't lack in personality or energy.  You are stubborn and competitive.  The sure way to motivate you is with a challenge or a race.  And you surprise me everyday with what you retain and how much you're learning. You know your abc's, how to count (recite) to twenty and actually count ("one to one correspondence," as we call it in my teaching world) anywhere from 4 - 10 objects, depending on your mood.  You're learning your letter sounds and I'm excited to start teaching you letter recognition.  You repeat everything you hear and most of it makes sense.  You impressed me with this conversation yesterday:

"Mama, the polar bear says 'RAAAHHHHR."
"Oh, yeah, did it say that at the zoo today?"
"Actually, it didn't for real."

Yep, you used the word "actually" in true, correct context.  And then there are those moments you just repeat something and it isn't in the right context but still so stinkin cute.  As you were combing my hair today, "Oh, mama!  Look at all these curls!  So tangly!"

While I'm telling you about the crazy, funny things you say, there are a few more you can brag about later in life:

"Mama, maybe if Daddy drives a little faster, I'll stop whining." I hear ya, kid.  I hear ya.

Instead of "yesterday," you say "yestertime."

"Mama, don't say shut-up!"
"I didn't, Lainey.  I said 'shut off.'  As in shut off the TV."
"Oh."
next day...  "Mama!  That's stup-off!"

"We can't take Daddy's car today, Mama, because YOU made a mess in it!"  (Sold out, Daddy!)

You're getting to be quite a big girl, too.  You are solidly in 3T clothes right now.  All those cute 2T clothes?  Packed away.  You sleep in a "grown up bed" (when you decide to sleep) and you're pretty much potty trained.  You are good at using your spoon and fork consistently.  You insist on drinking from cups without a lid and you prefer to sit in chairs without boosters.

But some things haven't changed one bit.  Your favorite things to do are still jump and climb.  A.N.Y.T.H.I.N.G.   It seems you haven't developed a healthy fear of anything yet and you sure keep us on our toes.  Several times every week, people will comment something along the lines of, "Wow, she sure is active!"

And you know how to love.  You snuggle with us to read books and drink milk from your sippy cup.  You put your hands on our cheeks and say, "I love you soooo much."  You run to us when you are hurt and you love to snuggle under a blanket with your Daddy when you're watching a movie.

In short, you're perfect.  You are ours.  And we love you to the moon and back!

Love Always,
Mama

On Being a Toddler

My name is Lainey and I am a toddler.

 

I love to get into everything and it seems just when I am having the most fun, all focused and quiet, someone four times my size swoops in from above and takes something away!  I'm not sure why; I am only copying what the grown ups around me do.  Nail polish.  Nail clippers.  Make up.  Scissors.  Computer. TV controllers.  Hair product.  Deodorant.  Perfume. Hot glue gun.  Dials on the dish washer.  No one dashes in to take these items away from them!

I talk a lot.  And my mom repeats me a lot.  I like to say, "No no no!  Lainey do it!"  My mom usually repeats me with, "I want to do it, please." Huh? If she wants to do it, she should just do it! I like to do things on my own and I don't get what the problem is.  I don't see anyone wiping my mama's hands after she eats or wiping her snot, telling her to "blow" a gazillion times.  And what's with the oven?  I know it's hot - that's why I open the door carefully! Don't even try to tell me to cook in my kitchen.  Please.  I'm no dummy.  I know it's pretend.  Sometimes pretending will do, but when I want to eat I want to eat real food, not that plastic play food.


And if we are going to pretend, why not go all the way.  Really??!!  They give me plastic food and expect me to hold it inches from my mouth?  C'mon.  It's way more real to put toys and play-doh and anything else in my  mouth.

Who do they think they're fooling with all these pretend toys, anyway?  A pink kitchen? A laptop with a penguin on the keyboard?  And Elmo on the other end of the phone?  Yeah, right.  But it works, because I love to pretend.  Sometimes I act so real in my pretending, my mom believes me.  She gets so serious about my games. In fact, yesterday, she let me buy my book from her with her money.  Silly Mama.

I find that the cuter I am when I ask for things, the higher my chances of getting it.  For example, it's 9:15 AM and I am eating a popsicle outside because I asked in this cute voice and tried really hard to say "pop - scic - cle" and point to the freezer. Sucker.

And speaking of getting my way...my blood boils when I don't!  There are times I can't help myself. I clench my fists and sometimes bite my arm I get so angry.  And then there are times I can help myself, but it feels so good to let it all out. I throw myself on the ground, flail my arms this way and that, and cry.  I can cry real tears without even needing to now!

But, usually I am happy.  Usually I am laughing and talking and learning new things by copying what everyone around me is doing.  And saying.  There's one word Mama and Daddy don't want me saying.  When I say it they look at each other and then try not to make eye contact with me.  I'm pretty sure this behavior is "ignoring" so I don't say the word again.  (By the way, I heard Daddy say this word.  Mama only says nice things.)

Being a toddler, I seem to be misunderstood a lot.  My intentions are usually pretty great.  I love to help.  I love to clean.  I love to do things on my own.  And it's pretty neat when grown ups understand this about me.  It's fun to make them laugh and smile and kiss and hug and tell me they're proud of me and love me no matter what.

Being a toddler.

Adoption Day 2013

Sweet Daughter of Mine,

Hard to believe a year has already passed since we arrived home!  And at the same time it's hard to believe it's only been a year.

So much of those first days and weeks home with you is a blur.  Your first night home, I think you slept about 14 hours in your crib.  We were SO relieved! You've slept soundly through the night since - a good 12 or 13 hours a night until you learned how to crawl out of your crib.   Even since transitioning to your toddler bed, you're a great sleeper.  To sleep around 7:30 and up at 6:30.  You fall asleep on your own without tears after a few books and songs with us.  Your favorite nighttime books are "God is Good All The Time" and your "Bible Jesus Book."

You've developed quite a personality.  The first word that comes to mind is stubborn.  The second is independent.  Quite the combination and can sure give these first-time-parents a run for their money.  We struggle to allow you independence you crave and guidance we know you need. One common example: if we close the door and you wanted to close it yourself, you will open it up and then close it.  There are things you just refuse to allow others to do for you - put ice in your cup, put the lid on your cup, close doors, wipe your shoes off before coming in the house, getting in your chair, turning the iPad off, turning the coffee pot on, and more. You are also on the go.  All the time!  You don't walk anywhere unless you are holding our hand in a parking lot (I've worked hard to instill a healthy fear of cars in you, but you are scared they're going to run you over - I might've taken that one too far.) From room to room in the house, you run, run, run.  You love to play outside and are learning to ride your balance bike. Parks, particularly slides, are your favorite!

Since we live in the PNW, we do spend many days indoors.  You are quite the little pretender, and I have to give credit to your Grandma and Daddy for this.  I have zero imagination.  As I write this, you are pretending to eat your play-doh pizza.  Other imaginative play happens in your play kitchen, train table and with your dollies.  You sure love to mother those dollies!  It's humbling to hear you talk to them in the same manner I speak to you.  Boy, do I know when those dollies are in trouble!

Grandma Marsha also gives you a lot of opportunity to be artistic.  She even lets you play with glitter! You're a lucky girl to spend your days with her while Daddy and I work.  She teaches you songs and games and so much more.

You love to read books - yet another activity you insist on doing by. your. self.  It warms my heart to watch you read your Bible and say litte words to tell the story of Jesus going "nigh-night" on the boat and his friends calling "help! help! Jesus! boat is going down!" and Jesus saying "shhh" to the waves.  Each night this story gives me a subtle reminder that God is in control and to love Him means to trust him in the storm.

You love, love, love to sing.  Just like Daddy, you make up songs about life.  Sometimes they match a tune of one of your favorites and sometimes they're just your own melodies.  I discover the thoughts in that active mind of yours through your songs more than anything.

And though I might be bias, it seems to me you are a smart little cookie.  You can recite 1 - 13 and count objects to 3.  Daddy taught you to count backwards 10 - 0, and you love to shout "ZERO!" You can recite your ABC's and "spell" BIBLE (thanks to the "Bible song"). Your vocabulary expands every day and you often put together sentences and phrases of 4 - 8 words.  I'm not sure everyone can understand you, but I sure enjoy our conversations! I'm often amazed by your memory.  Yesterday you mentioned "Haley and Jeff," friends from high school we saw a couple months ago and haven't spoken about since.  Perhaps I'm naive of your capabilities, but each day you amaze me. I hope and pray your curiosity and learning continues as you grow!

Socially you've come a long way too. Your friends are Tyler, Miles, Ronan, Tula, Finley, Kaya, Teegan, & Corbin,  and you talk about them non-stop.  You are learning to play with others rather than simply side-by-side, and with that you are learning to share, talk nicely, and assert yourself when necessary. If you are familiar in our surroundings you'll interact with friends and family without hesitation.  The little girl who used to cling to me in public is no more.  Generally, you are warm and friendly to everyone we approach.  If you're feeling particularly social, you'll wave and say "Hi, Stranger!" or "Bye, bye" to those we pass.

Finally, without meaning to, you've been the best teacher to me.  You've taught me forced me to set aside my desires and wants for the better of you and our little family.  Though I have a long way to go still, you've taught me to be patient with you and your Daddy.  You certainly remind me each day that I'm not perfect and don't have all the answers.  At least not all the right answers. As much as I try to teach you, I often wonder who has learned more this past year!

Above all, I love you.  Each day, it seems I love you more.

Happy Adoption Day, Lorraine Marta Robuck.

Snapshots, November - March 

(in no particular order)